How did you get into matchmaking?

I’ve been gifted with the gift of gab and an uncanny sixth sense to know who belongs with whom. Many, many, many, many years ago, in an eight month period I introduced fourteen of my guy friends to people who they ended up marrying. That’s when I looked at my husband and I looked at the phone and I said, “I can do this, I just need to figure out how.”

How long have you been at this?

About eighteen years, I…don’t know, I don’t count them. I deal with only men, and my clients are obviously men from all over the world, ranging from 27 to 78 years old, who retain me for one-on-one, very, very, very, very high-end matchmaking—to find them a committed relationship that leads toward marriage.

Why only men?

Used to deal with women, been there, done that. They’re needy, they nag, they’re high maintenance, they’re annoying, and they have severe, severe, severe selective hearing—

What would you say is your matchmaking philosophy?

Well, I believe in honesty, not false hope. So I listen very carefully to what men are looking for, I go out on simulated dates with the men—every single day of the week I am at lunch or dinner with another man—on a simulated date with him, being judgmental, and literally paying attention to everything from the restaurant he picks to how he treats me, how he treats the waiter, his manners, is he drinking, is he on his BlackBerry, is he looking at me, does he have eye contact or is he all over the place, is he delusional with his expectations of what he’s looking for, do I feel he’s an emotionally available guy who really does want a relationship, or is he a complete putz who’s looking to meet a movie star and, you know, wants to come into New York for a month from the UK in August and wants me to fix him up with a celebrity. Excuse me? Like, why would I do that? Like, why do you think you deserve Jennifer Anniston, you’re a, I mean, get a grip. So I deal with all kinds, and I would have to say that my fees weed out the riff-raff—

—I’d imagine they do—

—and separate me from the dating services. I’m not a dating service, I’m a matchmaker. There’s a very big difference. I’m beyond good at what I do, and I get men married.

It seems like you definitely screen for intentions. If a man’s just out for, like you said, for an Eastern European model—that’s not your man, right?

No, that’s not my man, nor is that my target market, because I don’t deal with Eastern European models.

They’re…pretty terrifying, actually… Here’s a question: what keeps a successful and—I’d imagine some of them are handsome—man, single?

Well, a lot of the men that I deal with are obviously above and beyond picky, to say the very least. And at the end of the day their net is not as wide as mine. Their net is nowhere close to being as wide as mine. So, having said that, I average 2,000 to 2,500 women a month who come to me who are pretty, smart, sexy, I mean, the whole package, the four B’s, beauty, brains, body, and balance. Out of all the couples that I’ve introduced, nobody would have met if it wasn’t for me. My net is much, much wider than any man’s. Once he hires me, I become his agent. I’m his eyes, I’m his ears, I’m his legs. No matter where I am, I’m scouting. I don’t consider what I do a job, because it’s not, and I don’t consider it work, that’s not what it is, it’s what I do, it’s who I am. And I will leave no stone unturned until I find a guy his wife, end of story.

Your website, Serious Matchmaking Inc., says you have 900+ marriages to your credit?

908.

Will you throw a party when you get to 1,000?

Absolutely.

You know, I read, I’m sure you’re aware of this one, in the Daily News that you claim a 97.7% success rate. Is that more or less accurate?

That was two summers ago. I had a company do that, find out, because my husband was curious, find out my success rate because people keep asking me—and 15% of my clients marry their first introductions, which blows me completely, completely blows me away. When I sit across the table from a guy, and in fifteen or twenty minutes I can tell him who he’s going to marry, and then less than a year later he goes down the aisle with the woman of his dreams and years later, they’re still married with kids—the first woman I introduced him to, that mind boggles me.

I have an uncanny sixth sense. I know the minds of men, I know what they want, what they’re looking for, I know what women do wrong. I get men. I get that they have an allergy to fat, I get that she has to be tall, thin, pretty, sexy, pretty hair, pretty teeth, pretty skin, great smile, not a drama queen, not high maintenance, not mean to a waiter or cab driver, hot body, naturally pretty—I mean, I get it, I just get it.

Do New York’s matchmaking laws get in your way?

The matchmaking rules in New York are extremely weird and unlike anywhere else in the country. The maximum that you can charge for “matchmaking” is $1,000 dollars, and there are very specific laws that it has to be twelve introductions and it has to be over twelve months. But I provide multiple other ancillary services in addition to matchmaking, so no big deal.

You wanna play a little word association? Are you up for it? You can always say, “No comment,” you know, you have 5th Amendment rights.

Okay, sure.

MEN.

Women.

DATING SCENE.

Horrific.

MARRIAGE.

Commitment.

LOVE.

Janis Spindel.

SEX ON THE FIRST DATE.

Unacceptable.

SEX ON THE THIRD DATE?

Still not acceptable.

Do you have a rule you tell your men?

I don’t have a rule per se. My clients basically believe that—and it’s funny, I lectured last night and a girl said to me, “When do you say people should get naked with each other?” You know, at the end of the day, there is no general, definitive answer. It’s basically in a committed relationship, is really when you should have sex with somebody. You can be intimate with somebody, you can have intimacy with somebody by cuddling or kissing with somebody, or whatever, but I really believe, until you really get to know somebody, you should not have sex with them because then you don’t know if it’s the sex that you’re falling in love with or the person.

One more, for word association. PATTI STANGER.

Wannabe. She’s in New York now, and has been for awhile.

Any comment on her being in New York?

Well, I just did an interview on that, you know, and at the end of the day she belongs in Los Angeles, and New Yorkers will really not accept her. They will not accept her or her way. They are entertained by her, but they are appalled by her on television.

What advice do you have for people who are thinking of going the old eHarmony, Match.com route?

To be honest with you, I suggest going online, because you never know, it only takes one. There are lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of people who have met on different— I just got an email three days ago from a woman who’d come to one of my lectures, she filled out an application, she was an older woman, and she never took it to the next step. My staff emailed her, basically saying, “What are you doing? You can’t be in the database without meeting Janis.” And she said, “I’m engaged. Please remove me.” I emailed her back saying, “Erica, what?” Like, “What? Where did you meet him?” She sent me pictures, it was an unbelievable story. She met him on Match.com, and they got engaged at Christmas, and he’s a really good-looking, sounds like an amazing, man; she’s beyond happy, and I hear that ten times a day. So I think that there are nightmare stories out there on those sites—it’s quite proven, the statistics, that women lie about their age and their weight, and men lie about their age and their height, and 30% of the men online are married—but at the end of the day it does work for a lot of people. And you have to understand, there’s billions, not millions but billions, of people on the multiple online dating sites. So it would be highly unlikely if somebody didn’t have some success somewhere. I think it’s great. It’s a job, but you just have to weed through the weirdos and the riff-raff and so forth and so on.

What matters most for people’s compatibility? Is it their religion, their career, sex, money, family outlook?

At the end of the day, it all boils down to chemistry. Men are visual, they’re superficial and they’re shallow, we both know that—

—We do—

—and they fall in love through their eyes. So the first thing that a man is interested in, and I’m just a messenger, is obviously her looks. Is she pretty? Men have definitive physical types. You could be into drop dead gorgeous blondes, like a Kate Hudson look or whomever, and no matter how off the charts Courtney Cox might be or Catherine Zeta-Jones, you’re not going to be attracted to her. You might say objectively, “Look, she’s really pretty, it’s obvious, but it’s just not my look.”

Have any of the marriages you’ve facilitated ended in divorce? I would guess, just statistically speaking--

Statistically speaking, the odds are wa-a-ay against me, but to my knowledge, I don’t know of any of my couples that have gotten divorced. I would probably venture to say that I would be the first phone call. If not from him, it would be from her.

They might hold you responsible.

Right. Right, and so far I haven’t gotten any phone calls, so I hope that everybody’s blissfully happy.

What if a client is looking for a long-term relationship but doesn’t want to have children or doesn’t want to get married. Does that pose a problem for you?

No, as long as they’re into a committed relationship. I mean, they were asking me this last night, it doesn’t necessarily have to be marriage with a piece of paper, it could be just a monogamous significant other. A lot of my clients are obviously older, and they’ve been married before. Sometimes once, sometimes twice, sometimes three times, and it’s sort of like, okay, three strikes and you’re out, you shouldn’t do the marriage thing, I think you should just live with somebody. So, it doesn’t matter.

Any books you recommend?

Well, I tell women they should read both of my books, How to Date Men and Get Serious about Getting Married, because I absolutely own the minds of men, and I know what they want and what women do wrong. And I wish, wish that I could tell you that I read four books a day, but I don’t exactly have the time to read. Every time I travel, I bring a book with me, and ask me if I even get to open it. When I go to the beach, people bring books, I bring work. I’m matching whenever I have a free moment.

It’s a good thing you like it.

I love it.